dear maddie,

[ If you don’t already know, I had a teammate leave the race and go home two weeks ago. This blog post is a letter to her that I wrote, and I wanted to share it with you to honor her and all that I’ve learned from her since we met a year and a half ago. Enjoy!]

Dear Maddie,

My first ever “World Race Friend”. I remember the day in July 2020 when I got an Instagram DM from you and opened it, wondering who the heck Maddie Hawkins was. We started to chat and I realized you were the first person after me to join the World Race Activation Route. I became giddy at my first taste of friendship and community that this year and experience has brought me and we began to talk often about everything: what the Lord was doing in our lives, our excitements/hopes/fears for the race, the funny differences between South Carolina and Texas, families, friends, and so much more. 

    Four short months later we met for the first time in person. Us (along with 4 other girls from our squad) traveled to Mary Grace’s house in Dripping Springs, TX for a weekend together over Thanksgiving break in 2020. Our personal excitement for the race could feel so lonely at times, but it was the thing that united us that week. I remember thinking and talking to you about how crazy it is that we are all from such different homes and places but so many of our thoughts and feelings and fears about the race were identical. It was a week of laughs and deep conversations and worship and sharing in all the emotions that were getting heavier each day that our countdowns to launch dropped. We said a really hard goodbye and a “see you in June” felt so faraway and hopeless. 

    Much to our surprise, the next 6 months flew by faster than we could’ve imagined and after lots of facetime chats and packing questions, WE WERE IN GAINESVILLE TOGETHER. We’d both been waiting almost a year for this moment and I felt like you were one of the only people that truly understood me that week. It was overwhelming to realize how close our launch date was, and we said our goodbyes to Gap H (which were much easier this time) knowing that we’d be back together in a quick 2 months! 

    In August the anticipation of leaving was high across the squad, but specifically the anticipation of teams being announced! The day we got the email of how our squad would be divided for the next 9 months was a WHIRLWIND, but one memory is so vivid. I opened the email and saw your name before any others. It took everything in me to finish reading the rest of my team before calling you to SCREAM with excitement!! We were speechless at the goodness of the Lord that day and that has been such a constant theme of our friendship. We’ve shared so many moments of such awe at how good the Lord is to us, and it’s something that I’ll never forget.

    We launched and started training in Gainesville. I can’t lie and say that it was easy in any sense, but the questions and challenges pulled us so close and we were able to speak so much wisdom into everything we were learning and experiencing. I am still so honored that you came to me with so many of your questions about who the Lord is and what our purpose in this year and life was: I learned so much about speaking the truth that the Lord gave me during that season of our friendship and I loved every second of walking through that wrestling with you.

    When I think of arriving in Guatemala after our first WR travel day, I think of you every time. Seeing you beaming on that first chicken bus, taking a million videos to send to your parents, talking about all the similarities/differences to Costa, and sitting down on your bottom right bunk-bed on our first night and taking a deep breath: “Bree, this is what I came on the Race for. This place is the reason that the Lord brought me here, I know it.”

    It was so strange to hear you say that, but looking back it makes so much sense. We had spent so long talking and dreaming about Africa, but during our two months in Guatemala I watched the Lord give you the sweetest sense of contentment and purpose in where we were. You stayed so present and constant, something our team needed so desperately in that time, and it had to have been straight from the Lord. You soaked up every second and never failed to pause, reflect, and praise the Lord for everything He was blessing us with. I’m so thankful for your life-posture of gratitude and the way you let it flow into everything you do and everywhere you go. 

    Watching you fight sickness after sickness in Guatemala was so hard and I would never want to go through that again. Countless nights sitting on the edge of your bed or crawling under the covers with you and just being with you as you cried out of physical pain or pure frustration. Watching you continue to choose the Lord every single day up until the day you flew home was more than inspiring. Yours is the definition of a persevering faith, and the way that you depend on the Lord in every moment is absolutely incredible..

    The rollercoaster of December/January was hard on Haven (“Haven is cavin” became a common phrase for us), but we learned to trust the Lord and His character despite any outcome. Even though you’re home now and we are missing a vital part of our crazy little family, we can’t help but see how good the Lord is. There was almost a 0% chance that you would ever be healthy enough to travel to South Africa, much less alongside the entire squad… BUT GOD! He did it! He healed you, even if it wasn’t complete right now, and gave you the strength to get here and fulfill a dream that He placed in you so long ago. He loves you so much and cares about the things you care about, and I know we’ve all seen and come to believe that over the past few months! 

    I love you so deeply and it is still so hard to be here and doing something we both dreamed about together for so long without you by my side. BUT, I know that the Lord has so much planned for this season of home for you right now and I am praying for you daily! This is a time of reconciliation, growth, testing, intentionality, and so much more!! We serve a God of abundance and blessing, and He’s the same God in Guatemala and South Africa and the States and everywhere! Always remember how much Haven loves you and know how much we miss you in “confession circle” and every team time! I love you and miss you every day. Keep seeking Him daily and choosing Him above all else. Listen to His voice and walk in consistent obedience!

His love + mine,

bree