hi friends!! It’s been a bit and I wanted to write you a few words of how things are going currently! I am coming up on about a month left before I pack up and go, and its going to be a BUSY 6 weeks, let me tell ya!!

this coming weekend I am going to White Sands National Park in New Mexico and Guadalupe Mountains National Park with my sister to do some hiking and see some more of the Lord’s BEAUTIFUL creation! We also get to spend some time in Marfa with my aunt and uncle, which I’m pumped about! 

next weekend, I am getting the chance to take a weekend trip to BIG BEND NATIONAL PARK!!!! It’s been a looooong time coming, and Sara and I are so excited to explore!! 

after those trips its time to start getting everything packed up before I head up to Colorado to say goodbye to all my family there and then head to Dallas for one last weekend in the city! After that, I’m GEORGIA BOUND and I am thrilled!

Well… I am SO thrilled, but there’s more to the story. With just over 6 weeks left of life as I know it, reality is starting to set in, and with that comes a lot of fear creeping in. I am learning that no matter how sure you are of your next step, its still terrifying. What if I fail? What if I hate it and want to come home? What if I come home and can’t fit back into the life I have here? What if I miss too much of people’s lives and end up feeling like an outsider? What if I’m wrong for leaving these people I love behind? While I would love for this to be a blog of being on the other side of these questions and finding freedom and confidence that is greater than all of these fears, its not—and that is really hard for me.

As I’m facing this inner battle of so much excitement, yet so much fear and doubt, I’ve learned a lot about myself and about my Maker. 

When I don’t understand how I’m feeling, He does. When I don’t have a clue what the next year holds, He does. When I don’t know the answer to the tough questions I’m facing, He does. Praise God that He never asks me to put my confidence in myself because I waver and stumble and never measure up. BUT—He does. He is more than enough and then even more. He is steadfast. He never moves. He never changes. 

So while the next year is unsure, and while I am unsure, the God I love is not. My Father knows what every second and more will look like for the next year, five years, or seventy years. He knows my heart, my emotions, my needs, and my desires better than I do. My confidence is in the one who knows. That simple truth changes everything. It leaves fear with no choice but to flee. It turns uncertainty into peace. 

I am still afraid. The words “__ days until you leave!!” can still make me want to throw up or cry or both. However, I am certain that my God has never left my side through anything, why would He now? The Lord is teaching me a lot about faith. I am learning to trust Him when the world says I shouldn’t. Faith is hard because placing your faith in someone brings uncomfort and requires letting go of control. 

In a sermon I heard recently, the pastor spoke over anxiety and it could not have been more fitting for my season right now. He talked about how we live with a false sense of control. We are never actually the ones controlling our lives, God always had the power. In our pride, we train ourselves to believe that we could function even a second without God. The “cure” to these fears is not giving up control, but realizing who had it the whole time. 

“This is why I tell you to never be worried about your life, for all that you need will be provided, such as food, water, clothing—everything your body needs. Isn’t there more to your life than a meal? Isn’t your body more than clothing?

Consider the birds—do you think they worry about their existence? They don’t plant or reap or store up food, yet your heavenly Father provides them each with food. Aren’t you much more valuable to your Father than they? So, which one of you by worrying could add anything to your life? 

———

Refuse to worry about tomorrow, but deal with each challenge that comes your way, one day at a time. Tomorrow will take care of itself.”

Matthew 6:25-34 (TPT)

His love + mine,

bree